God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. 1 Thessalonians 4:7 (NIV)
Paul explains what this means—first negatively, and then positively.
It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality (4:3).
The word Paul uses here is “porneia,” from which we get our English word “pornography.” It was used in New Testament times to describe any kind of sexual sin. It is God’s will that you should be sanctified, that you should avoid “porneia”—any form of sexual sin.
It is God’s will that … each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable (4:3-4).
The NIV gives the alternative translation: “Each one of you should learn to live with his own wife.” God’s purpose is that the transforming power of the gospel should extend even into the private world of the marriage bed.
Sanctification involves putting an end to sexual selfishness in marriage, either through imposing or withholding. It is God’s will for every Christian husband that he learn to relate to his wife in a way that makes her feel honored. It is God’s will for every Christian wife that she learn to relate to her husband in a way that makes him feel honored. This is part of what it means to live in a way that pleases the Lord.
Notice that this is something that God wants us to “learn” (4:4). It does not always come naturally, but you can grow in this by the power of the Holy Spirit who lives in you.
If you are married, ask your husband or your wife: “Do you feel honored by the way we relate in the bedroom?”