I write to you with a grateful heart for the work you did on Heaven, So Near So Far. I caught bits and pieces of it on the radio, and I knew immediately the words would change my life. I ordered the CD.
I am 70 years old and have spent the last 2 years with a Christian counselor trying to heal from a childhood filled with shame. This time has been the most grueling experience of my life. I have waited a lifetime for God to touch and heal these complicated wounds and give me peace. I could not understand why a God who is all-knowing and so good would leave me to suffer decade after decade.
Then your CD arrived! I listened to the entire story then fell on the floor in tears as I realized how much I had in common with Judas Iscariot. I replayed the story over and over. Each time gaining a greater understanding of what the Holy Spirit was showing me. I can’t remember ever hearing anything about him except that he was the one who betrayed Jesus.
You have brought to life the most obvious questions that no one has asked; “Why?”
I now realize that, like Judas, I have spent six decades seeking Jesus, but with an agenda. I couldn’t trust as a small child, so trusting Jesus was never on the table. Since my family was always involved in a church, for me Jesus and abuse were knitted together.
I have come to Jesus and walked away many times over the years. I can now see that I called on his name then immediately handed him a cover sheet with instructions as to how he should help me. I wanted to prove to my family that I could be somebody. Yet 3 college degrees, world travel, and a career in critical care nursing still did not cause them to love me. I laid this failure on Jesus.
I’ve been trying to be someone in the world, now I understand I need to come to Jesus with a blank paper, open to what he wants for me. Thank you, my dear man. God has used your words to touch a deep place of pain in my heart.